Sixty-two Cousins and Counting

In the world of relatives, cousins take a back seat to mothers and fathers, grandparents, aunts and uncles, siblings, and sometimes the family pet. Cousins are bit players, shadow figures, their lives played out in the background. We refer to them like this: “I have a cousin, I think, who’s in that business,” or “Is she a second cousin or a first cousin once removed?” or “My cousin taught me about the birds and the bees—all of it wrong!”

To the best of my calculations, I have 58 living first cousins. Originally, there were 73 (62 on my father’s side, 7 on my mother’s, and 4 on my stepdad’s). That’s right, I don’t have a cast of cousins, I have an entire village!

My village consists of farmers, teachers, anglers and activists; Catholics, writers, mechanics, executives and entrepreneurs; historic home renovators, financial advisors, travelers, bakers and builders; veterans, caregivers, soothsayers; artists and angels. All of them, really good humans.

Emails, texts, old-fashioned letters, and a few road trips re-established my cousin connections. I’ve been served iced tea sweetened with homemade elderberry syrup, chauffeured in an ATV on lands ethically farmed and preserved, taught the rules of football ala Packers’ games, guided through family graveyards, challenged in a mean game of beanbag toss, and gifted with homemade jam, archival family photos, and lore. Cousin connections have entertained, schooled, and consoled me.

One newly acquainted cousin, Bruce, gave me the immense privilege of sitting bedside my Aunt Isabelle, while she was in hospice. Bruce shepherded me into that sacred space to laugh with a woman who was a musician, a baker, seamstress, mother, grandmother, great grandmother, and my godmother. We hugged, we spoke stories, we held hands, and we sang. The richness of those moments fed my soul and still do today.

Cousins. They are the keepers of youthful and sometimes shameful secrets. They offer shoulders to cry on and wisdom to rely on. They deserve rave reviews, and Oscars, and a whole lot of love for such supporting roles.

According to 23andMe, I have 1499 genetic 1^st, 2^nd, 3^rd, 4^th and 5^th cousins. What a treasure trove. What wealth. I will be very lucky if I play a walk-on part in even a few of their lives.

In memory of Aunt Isabelle (1924-2021) who was a comfort and joy to so many.